It was dark. Scary. The wind was blowing….
This is all wrong. The ‘control freak’ readers of this blog understand fully that this isn’t a solo event, on a dark street. What I speak of is the real deal. The real fear that control freaks live with every day.
THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO!
It’s awful. Seriously. It’s the worst thing that can happen.
But I had a plan. A plan to do something frightful and hopefully acquire a new skillset that would enable me to help others (starting with myself!) to release the stress that comes from things outside our control.
If you drive a motorcycle, had some training, and confidence in yourself none of the following applies. It’s the sitting on the back…as someone else drives that wreaks havoc with the psyche. And so the plan unraveled.
My goal with these rides was to release my fear. Each time I climbed on the back of the motorcycle I felt like I had climbed a mountain. My goal was to be a better rider. To learn something new. To take away an important point.
And I think I did.
But as with life sometimes the thinking and planning accounts for a portion of the growth then an unexpected ‘experience’ allows for the rest. Here’s how it went down.
I donned jeans, boots, and a cool new helmet with red bling. Come on…I needed something fire related to boost my spirits.
Some rides I would do ok. And sometimes I would cling. I would cling to the driver with the talons I call my fingernails. If I saw a car ahead press on their breaks ….talons to the chest.
If I saw a car about to pull out in the distance… talons in the side.
If I saw a red light. A deer. A leaf. A frog.
In addition to the talons were the ‘thighs of steel’. Even more frightening than the infomercial promoting the benefits of intense pain of slimming those thighs…was the vice like grip the poor driver experienced from me on every turn.
But on a recent ride it all changed. I let go.
I let go of the fear. I let go of the need to control the situation. And I simply enjoyed the ride. I didn’t even look forward most of the time. I closed my eyes and felt the wind. Or I’d look to the side at the beautiful rolling hills leading up to a house with a lovely porch. Turned my head again to catch a glimpse of a mother gardening as her daughter chased a butterfly.
I had faith.
Perhaps it was faith in the driver. Perhaps it was faith in the universe. I don’t really know.
All I know is that all the fears I had felt in the past had kept me from experiencing the beauty, peace, and freedom that moved my soul on that dusk ride.
And I wasn’t about to let that happen again.
Action Step: Can you offer up control of something in your world …for a short time? And feel the freedom that stems from it? Let me know how you do and if you want any suggestions on what you can try. Heather@HeatherHansenONeill.com